The Breakup

This weekend I broke up with someone... well some place actually. Dallas and I have had this thing for almost as long as I can remember. My parents would send me to the BigD for little weekends when I was about 10 and every summer or break after that I would spend with my aunt and uncle and very little, at the time, cousin.

Even at 10 we did Dallas up right. Shopping, symphonies, theater, restaurants. NorthPark declined my debit card several times in my high school years because I had no idea about money and no credit card (thank GOD) but man I knew good shopping. When we moved there 7 years ago I was so excited. I gained 5 pounds in about 3 weeks and almost went broke when we discovered Central Market. When we joined Northwest Bible and bought our house on Princess Lane the addition of friends and children and a community of incredible women was more than my heart could take, I was in heaven.

So when God called us home to B/CS I was confused. And this past year I've carried on a long distance love affair with Dallas. I didn't want to really be here, I wanted to be THERE. I didn't want to make friends, my friends were THERE. I don't want to get involved in my church, my church is THERE. And I don't want this to be home, DALLAS is home.

But, this weekend I couldn't deny that in the 10 short months since I've been gone I have changed. I couldn't keep up this long distance thing anymore. We've only visited twice and how can a love affair really work if you don't see each other? So... we broke up. I have untied the ties that bind and let that ship sail. It's not fair to my new home,  it's not fair to my husband and kids and it's not fair to God that I kept looking back, or north really.

I still love Dallas, and of course it goes without saying that many of my dearest friends are there and will always be a part of our life. But I was running with a weight on my back. I had to get the weight and ache of missing that old life off so I can really grow here. Who knows what will happen! I believe good and exciting things are around every corner, we just have to have the eyes to see them.

Joy Complete.

On New Year's Day I chose a word for the year... Apprehension. Leading up to the new year I just felt that way - worried, doubtful, unsure... apprehensive. 

In comparison, last year my word was a full and joyful "Abundance"! I felt at peace, strong in my faith, in relationships and even physically. And although at that time I didn't anticipate the enormous change our life would take this year I felt good about the year and whatever came I knew we'd be more than ok. Through our move and all the decisions leading up to it we saw an abundance of blessing that continued through the year. 

But this year on New Year's Day as the words came out of my mouth, "My word for the year is 'apprehension'," God did something special. He let me witness a miracle on the first day of the year. Although Annabelle was born December 29th to Tricia and Jonas, her fight for life continued for 6.5 more days - 150 hours. This was a miracle. The fact that she was carried to term was a miracle but outside the womb living, breathing, 2 chamber heart beating, noisemaking, milk tasting, being held by mother brother father family, preemie clothes wearing, knit hat sporting baby doll kept on going my apprehension turned to complete aw and my WORD for the year? Uh yeah - chunk that out the window, my WORD for the year is Annabelle.

Instead of wondering and worrying about what the Lord has in store for us this year, I trust in a God who makes the impossible possible. And whatever I was worried or unsure about I'm going to hand over to Him. And while I don't know what the year holds, no one does, I am trusting that God's will is good, pleasing and perfect and it's going to be ok. 

Annabelle means "joy" and she is in the fullness of joy now with our Lord and Savior, the giver of blessings and life and the Healer of broken hearts. Join our family in praying for Tricia, Jonas and Big Brother Cameron, that the Lord would carry them through this time. 

John 16:24 "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

For Annabelle

Today I am amazed at the mountains a tiny baby can move. Some of my Dallas buds may have heard the news stories of the Bishop Lynch volleyball coach who at 14 weeks gestation found out her daughter was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a 100% fatal disease and has chosen to continue her pregnancy. Today she will go in for a c-section to deliver Annabelle a few days early not knowing what life or how long life will hold for Annabelle outside the womb. 

Tricia and I had been in Bible study together for about a year and we walked with her and prayed with her through her pregnancy just as she and the group prayed for us through our move. I found my life paralleled with her struggle on more than one occasion and when the unexpected diagnosis came I was heartbroken for her, her husband and her son (3) who had been asking his parents for a "lady baby" for quite some time. 

But today, today is Annabelle's birthday. And her parents and brother will get to meet this little one who has turned their life upside down. Is there anything that turns ones life upside down more than a baby? Especially when your expectations are one thing and WHAM just like that they - come 5 weeks early (Jack), come 12 weeks early (S), cry 24/7 (L), have an unexpected diagnosis (Annabelle)... are born in a manger. 

For some reason that we probably will never know, God chose to give Annabelle to Tricia knowing that Tricia and her family would respond by giving her right back to the loving arms of God. And this response of obedience, of loving care is what shines like a GIANT beacon in the night, like THE STAR in the night beckoning us COME, COME AND SEE what our great God has done! Annabelle's life, at the moment her tiny heart began to beat has been setting the light of Jesus ablaze because her parents responded in obedience allowing her story to continue until God determines it is finished. 

So today, if you would, please say a prayer for Tricia and her family, for Annabelle that her pain would be limited to null and her time on earth would be multiplied forever in the hearts of her family and loved ones. Because isn't that what happens with our great God? A tiny baby is born and thousands of years later we're still talking about him, BELIEVING that God is bigger that hope is ALIVE that LOVE NEVER FAILS, His love never fails and that one day we will see him again. One day.

Merry Christmas and blessings for a beautiful New Year.

https://www.facebook.com/annabellesarmy?ref=br_tf 

This is Love.

Psalm 23:6 "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..."

I wish you could've heard it, the stillness, my family talking and laughing in the background. I wish you could've seen it, my son fishing in his spiderman costume. I wish you could've felt it, the chill in the air. I wish you could've seen the big bright moon shining on us even before the darkness set in. 

Tonight my family had the annual Chili Gala, the kickoff to deer season at our family ranch's camp house. As I watched my son fishing with my husband and joined in a span of minutes by my dad, brother and cousins, I was truly overwhelmed with emotion. I felt in my heart over and over again  "this is peace, this is beauty, this is love." 

In that moment, I felt so happy that my son had a place to go to get away from the city lights and see nature, experience it. It was so different than the hustle and bustle of the city. And I felt so grateful for my grandparents, particularly my Daday who's been gone now almost two years. He and Mimi sacrificed so much all those years ago and throughout their lives so we could enjoy these moments, so our children could enjoy them. And I missed him so much, so so much. 

It's nights like tonight that remind me why we're here. Why we trusted God, why He moved us right into this new, full life. Because this is love. He loves us so much. He loves you so much, I just thought you should know.  

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." (1John 3:16) 

Running to Win

When I was in 8th grade I ran track. I was never very good at it, we had a lot of girls way taller, faster, stronger, but I was pretty quick. I remember sprinting like my life depended on it at track meets. There wasn't time to look left or right and certainly not back when you were trying to win (or in my case not be last!).

Last week a friend of mine asked me how it was being back home.  I told her that being busy thanks to my job and my kids, was more of a blessing than I could've realized. I didn't have time to look left or right... or back. I was sprinting. God truly does know what we need and provides.

Not long after that conversation, in fact it might have been the very next day, I had a few hours of down time. Not much but a little with a quiet house, happy kids playing, not much going on. And I started looking around, we were outside in the driveway and I looked left... no Emily and Alice, I looked right, no Angela and Will, and then I looked back and hyperventilated. I just missed my people, my old life.

It was at that point that I clearly understood the verse we've all heard, 1 Corinthians 9:24, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!" or Philippians 3:14 "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

I've determined that my current busyness is God-purposed. In other words, I'm almost not choosing it, it was destined for me. Prayer is powerful and not long after we got here both of our current bosses/partners told us they had been praying for us. (They were praying for "someone" but that someone turned out to be us.) So the question for me became, how do I meet with God when I'm not able to meet with him like I used to in Dallas.

In Dallas, I had the most amazing group of women I met with on Wednesday nights since I joined Northwest Bible in 2008. For six years, Wednesday nights were my spiritual chiropractic adjustment. My Bible studies kept me in the word, my group kept me on my toes and I grew in my faith. So much so God moved me right out of there. It's hard not to look back and miss our church too...

So recently I've determined that getting up in the mornings is an absolute must for me. Even if it's just 15 minutes before pitter-patter of little feet, I have to meet with Jesus. My Bible is on the coffee table, my computer for my online study (written and recorded by my cousin - so cool), and whatever beverage I need to wake up. I really try every morning of the week to do this.

As I've stewed on this verse "Run to win!" I picture Jesus at my bar waiting for me, I know it's silly, but when I can't meet with him, I feel like I've missed an important conversation that keeps me focused on the task at hand - right now. Not looking back or trying to see too far ahead, but right here in the present.

I believe my task right now is best described in Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." We are running to win, we can't look left, right... or back.

Home Sweet Home.

It flew by, but today marks one week since we've been in College Station. In that time I've experienced - or should I say re-experienced all sorts of firsts with my home town. 

1) People here are just NICE. Like really nice! I've had so many sweet ladies tell me how precious my kids are and that they'd keep them if I ever needed it - ha! If someone told me that in Dallas I would've called the cops. But that's the thing, nobody really did because they knew you'd call the cops. Sheesh! Loosen up people and tell a stressed out mom her babies are cute! Sometimes that's all she's got to hold on to because they drive her batty crazy! 

2) I love my house. God picked the best house for us. We thank him everyday for how he worked this out. We had it painted top to bottom before we moved in and let me tell you that made all the difference. It's so fresh, our stuff fit right in and looks great and we have more room but not an overwhelming amount of room, just enough room to grow. We love that one of the cutest parks in town in just four houses down from us. We go nearly everyday! Our neighbors are so nice and there's lots of kids in the neighborhood - praise GOD because that means there's lots of moms who are nice to chat with as well. 

3) My HEB is amazing. It's got lots of Central Market pretty and the HEB prices and it's a rock throw from my house AND since I went at 8:30 a.m. the sweet gal who bagged my groceries offered to help me out. I was hauling Lydie around because Jack was smooshing her when she was in the basket so I gladly accepted. By the time I'd finished buckling both kids, she'd finished unloading my groceries and had waved goodbye! Thank you ma'am!

4) Cool stuff happens here. Just last night I sat right smack in the middle of a crowd of well over 1,500 people to listen to Dr. Ben Carson speak on the beauty, complexity and gift of life. My dad happens to be on the board of Hope Pregnancy Center which happens to be the philanthropy of Aggie Sisters for Christ who sponsored the fundraising event. Did you know this community can say that one year ago we HAD a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic? But through "peaceful and prayerful means" (thank you Dr. Haywood Robinson for that description) it SHUT. DOWN. Not before providing 8,000 life ending (for the baby) and life altering (for the mother) abortions though - but no more. Now we have agencies like HOPE that new parents can go to for healing, hope and help. Thank you B/CS, Dr. Robinson and Dr. Carson for renewing my zeal for the importance and sacredness of LIFE. Jesus truly does heal all hurts.

5) My family is here. And it's awesome. Patrick's parents babysat for us last night so we could hear Dr. Carson's talk. My cousin's wife and sons came over for a playdate today - we've NEVER done that! And my mom and dad, two brothers and two grandmothers and all my aunts and uncles but one are here. Patrick's parents, brother and sister and her family are all here and many of his aunts and uncles and cousins. Mom is going to be keeping Lydie one day a week for me while I work and Jack goes to MDO! My MOM is going to keep my daughter... that just boggles my mind. Mostly because I know how awesome my mom is and also because she doesn't charge me - I won't hemorrhage money to sitters anymore! Maybe a little but not nearly as much. 

6) We love our church. I grew up at Grace Bible Church on Anderson. BUT we tried Grace's Southwood campus which is over near A&M Consol and absolutely loved it! We knew people, loved the worship time, Blake Jennings the preacher did an awesome job, both kids did GREAT at Sunday School and the couple who did our marriage counseling just happened to sit catty corner from us during the service so we got to reconnect with them after all these 12 years. So special. 

So while we are still adjusting, with every box that is unpacked and every normal activity that comes and goes, it really does feel like home sweet home. I often wonder what my grandfathers would've thought, what Patrick's grandfathers, and one in particular (Jack) would've thought. Sometimes I get the feeling they know, they just have to. There really is no place like home. 

Settling In - Life and Work

Wednesday the trucks came and unloaded all of our stuff. It went so fast and thanks to the helping hands of my Aunt Julie, cousin Kay and Patrick's dad Wayne (even though it was his birthday!) we made an incredible amount of progress. Mom and Dad kept the kiddos all day so we could work and worked we did. We went back to my mom's for another night there after a quick family bday dinner for Wayne at the Koenning house. Patrick and I worked another three hours or so that night and landed in bed around midnight. Thursday we did a little more but were ready to get our family in one spot and after mom helped me get my china cabinet put up Patrick brought the kids over. 

Jack's room was set up so cute and even had a little "Jack's Room" sign on the door which he LOVES. He really loves his room. He was so excited about it. We have a little room/closet under the stairs which we've named the "clubhouse." It's basically a toy room that is perfect toddler size and Jack and Lydie have enjoyed playing in there and dragging toys out to the living room and I just put them back and shut the door after bedtime! 

I knew with Lydie it wasn't going to matter where we were. She's at the age that as long as she has mama and Jack (and dada can come too) she's fine, she's home. But Jack... he's still adjusting. He's even been running a smidge of fever the last 24 hours. I think so much change, a new place, today at church he had a new class of kids, it's been a lot. His preschool teacher came for a home visit on Friday and read him a book about school, it was cute and he did so well. But we think he's missing our old house, his friends, everything he knew. It makes me sad that we couldn't give him that consistency of "place" you're told as a parent is so important. But I know he'll adjust and more importantly I know it's right. We are doing what God asked of us and therefore it is what is right for Jack, even though what we had was right too. It was just time. *sigh* 

Patrick starts at Gilmore tomorrow. He's kind of getting his sea legs back for a few weeks before he jumps in. I think that's smart. We're praying for some good help to come along as they get more work and decisions regarding rebranding. It's exciting and I'm so proud of him but it's a little nerve wracking to be at the point that all of this stuff we prayed about is actually here and happening. I haven't mentioned this yet, but I'm going back to work for my first boss. Yep, my first job out of college was in marketing at David Gardner's. David and Julia have long been like family and mentors to me and I'm so honored to be able to go back and work with them part time doing what I love. Heck I even worked an event at the store Friday night! Talk about jitters! But before long I'd gotten my sea legs back and it was great. Being able to work with them really makes home seem like home. I'm so thankful. God didn't leave any stone unturned and here we are starting this new chapter. 

We miss our friends, we miss people knowing our story and not having to start from the beginning, but we are happy. And mostly, we're thankful, we praise the Lord for his continued goodness and we surrender to his calling. Months ago we said, "Here we are, what would you have of us?" and now here we are. He is faithful. He is loving and He. Is. Worth it. 

Moving Day

On Tuesday, the 19th, two moving trucks came and three guys loaded all of our stuff. At that point in the moving process I never thought it would end. It was like being 40 weeks pregnant (or as close as I've come which is 39). You hit a wall. You don't care WHAT is about to happen you just know there is NO MORE ROOM and you're ready. I was ready. Patrick was ready.

To be honest, I don't think I will ever forget that day. My neighbor who also happens to be one of my best friends, popped over at 9 a.m. to say that she and her two kiddos would be in the front yard and available to watch Jack whenever. Oh and if we needed to put Lydie down in Charlotte's crib that was fine. At 9:30 Lydie was out cold in the crib next door and Jack and Alice (Jack's BFF) were playing in the front yard. Shortly after that two more of my dearest friends and their littles showed up and we all hung out in the front yard. I'd run in to pack or organize or delegate and then come back out and plop down and pretend we weren't moving and it was just another day.

We ordered lunch. Natasha and Reed ran to pick it up, the big kids went down to Angela's house for a bit and by the time everyone got back to Emily's house Lydie was up, Charlotte was down and we were eating around the kitchen table. I was still in denial, it was just another day. The kids were playing so nicely together at one point I wasn't sure what we were doing and Patrick and I had it all worked out that we could stay... By 1 o'clock the movers started saying things like "almost there" and "it won't be long." My stomach would twist in knots and tears would threaten but then something or someone would call my attention and I was off again. At 2 the melt downs began. For some reason this brings a smile to my face and warm fuzzies in my heart. Alice hit Patrick with a baseball bat on the back, Jack was wrestling toys from whoever had what he wanted, and Lillian was wailing because Jack took the ball and Will, bless his sweet heart had gone home! We said goodbye to the Andersons shortly thereafter.

At 2:30 we started saying goodbye to Emily and Alice. I had hardly been able to look at Emily all weekend so the tears came early and still now start up sometimes. Some friends you know you were just destined to meet and the Feuilles, we couldn't have ever asked for better neighbors and friends. God is so good to us. We walked through the house together, all empty, we took pictures and said "We'll see you soon." By 3 we were packed up and Angela, Scott and Will walked in. It was the last goodbye for the day and I am so glad I got to hug her neck, we almost missed each other!

I drove home, the kids slept some, ate, fussed, sang. It was fine. I think we stopped somewhere to give Lydie some food and attention. Mom had a great meal ready and helped put kids down.

Patrick and I went over to see the house that night. It was gorgeous. We'd had it painted from top to bottom. Walls, ceilings, cabinets. It looked amazing. I was so happy with it. And then I bawled my guts out for two hours. Finally exhaustion kicked in and we slept.

One Month

This past Saturday marked one month until the moving truck comes and they pack our stuff and we drive our cars back home. It was a great day. Weird in that it was about 73 for a high and overcast, it seemed like October not July. We spent the morning with friends, who are also moving, at the Arboretum exploring the children's garden. And the evening we went to our next door neighbors house for a delicious dinner. Just a perfect day.

We went to church on Sunday. Abe Kuruvilla spoke on Jacob, the heal grabber, the chaser, and finally in his wrestling match with God became the clinger. Genesis 32:26 “I will not let you go,” Jacob replied, “unless you bless me.” Finally, after a life of chasing, grasping, he understood that God was the only one who could bless and satisfy and he chased no more. (And also God threw out his hip so he literally couldn't chase!) Jacob was going home too. And scared shitless of what was before him. I'm not scared of a murderous older brother! but I do get the jitters about going home.

During the offering the band sang "Come Thou Fount" my favorite hymn, the one I walked down the aisle to 12 years ago this Sunday. I nearly cried my mascara off when the second verse read:
"Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood."

and then verse four: O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

And there it was. I walked down the aisle loving the lyrics. Now I walk through life living the lyrics. Safely to arrive at home... Let thy goodness... bind my wandering heart to Thee. He has proved himself faithful and GOOD and I'm sold. I'm in. I'm His. Lead me home. I'll be ready.

You're Not Going to Believe This

My last blog post regarding our house-find in College Station was only half of the story of things going on while we were at the beach last week. The short story is: we have an offer on our house in Dallas as of yesterday afternoon. It's not on the market. It never was. And we are still in disbelief. We were going to use this week to do all the decluttering, paint touchups, projects and photos to get it ready and a sign was to go in the yard this Sunday. You know - stick to the plan.

So, last Thursday - the SAME day that our realtor and my mom were swooping in to see the College Station house and we were putting in our first offer on it I get a call from a dear friend two blocks over. I'd run up to the room from the pool to grab a floaty and saw I had a message from Natasha and thought I'd better listen. She proceeds to say "remember I work for a realtor, well she has this couple who wants to be in Sparkman... any chance you'd be interested in letting me show them your house... TODAY?" I nearly dropped the phone. I for sure dropped my jaw... it's really still dragging on the floor. I quickly think: 1) we're gone 2) Rachel, our nanny also just came and cleaned the house so it's actually clean and presentable! SO YEAH show the house! So I arrange for Rachel to drop Natasha the key and kind of don't give it another thought. My thought was they'd see it and give us some good feedback. We hear that they liked it - who wouldn't we love our house!

Well, the next day, Friday, Natasha says the realtor wants to see it again and can she (Natasha) show it in the morning? YEAH! Sure, she'd give us some good feedback too and maybe keep it in mind for her future clients when we put it on the market. So they're in and out Friday afternoon and that's that. We're busy putting a second offer on the house in College Station (which has two additional higher offers than our original at-ask one) so we're focused on that. And with that the weekend goes on - mind you this little couple GETS MARRIED on Saturday so they're kinda busy and we don't hear anything.

Would you believe at 4 o'clock on Monday - Patrick's birthday I get a call and message from a 214 number. Patrick's literally walking in the door, we're singing Happy Birthday and I'm getting him a beer and think, let me just see who called. The message says "Hi, this is MB, I'm emailing you an offer on your house we saw this weekend. Please review and get back to us tonight." WHA?? Patrick and I are looking at each other like deer in the headlights.

So while he's opening gifts, we're trying to review the contract offer, Jack is swinging from a chair and Lydie is climbing on a china cabinet that has to be the single most dangerous piece of furniture in our house. There's baby squawking, Jack singing, computer freezing chaos. It was a glimpse into what life would be like when we put our house on the market... We quickly realize, it would be AWESOME to work this out...

That night we have a sitter and go over to the pool across the street and talk about our response. We send a reply to the realtor that evening and are hopeful but still proceeding with our plan because what is the likelihood??

Tuesday afternoon (yesterday) Patrick is at the lake with his boss and I'm at the office. We get an updated offer from them. We start doing the math and unfortunately the cost of selling a house is just darn expensive so we're beginning to see our equity get chipped away. A few hours later we're still trying to decide what to do and Patrick talks to his boss (a super smart and savy guy) and he suggests doing a best and final. So we come up with our response and send it over at 4. 30 minutes later we get their response and it's good! Full asking price, we were hopeful for that. It's done.

According to the contract we close on August 1 and lease back until August 19. Just as we hoped.

There are still inspections and all that loveliness so in the event they back out there's still time for "the plan" but is it just me or do you see God's hand in this? He takes such good care of us. The stress of putting the house on the market, keeping it clean for showings, reviewing contracts we have no idea what we're doing, with two kids who want our attention, it's just a blessing. I just see this as a God-thing. This is grace, a big fat circle full of grace with God's fingerprints all over it. I don't believe in karma because I don't deserve any of this, He humbles us with his goodness.

We trusted, we waited, we prayed. He delivered.

Beyond the "See"

This past week our little family packed practically our whole house up to take a trip to the beach! Patrick's parents had generously decided to take the whole fam - that's 12 people - to Galveston for four nights. This was also the last planned trip we had on our calendar to go through Bryan and Patrick and I both had this feeling that something was going to pop up in the house department. So we did what anyone would do - we made a plan. We should know, no I should know, by now that it's really no use making plans. God has His own plan and His own time frame. But since I like "doing" and not waiting, we planned. Our plan was - go to Bryan on Tuesday and look at houses Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning. The school districts had just let out and stuff was bound to be popping up left and right on MLS and we would BE THERE! For once to see them! We'd put an offer in and then zip down to the beach - perfect! So naturally we tell our realtor so she's up to speed.

So I stalked MLS like a pro and got more and more frustrated when nothing new was popping up and one of our tops goes under contract (again) Come on!

Well, by Tuesday morning our next favorite house had been taken off the market and by the afternoon the other option was gone. So we looked at four so-so houses but still felt positive, we had Wednesday to see something and surely "it" would pop up.

By Wednesday morning Katie, our realtor, had gifted me a glorious bottle of pink champagne to ease the pain (I refrained popping it in her car) so I knew our options were going to be sparse. And sure enough the two houses we looked at were way off the mark in more ways than one. So we left to the beach empty handed - not part of the plan...

Thursday morning we spent playing in the sand and having a great time. I went up to our condo and put L down for her nap and browsed MLS just in case. And what should pop up but a 4/2.5 - check. In a great area in College Station - check. On almost half an acre - check, check! And in our budget - check! So I text Katie who of course has an appointment already lined up and is calling my mom to go with her. By 11 o'clock we're at the beach on FaceTime with them "walking" through the house. It wasn't very easy with the glare and poor connectivity but we decided we better put an offer in that day. 

So here we are, at the beach, and wham our house pops up. We didn't get to see it, we had to trust. We trusted Katie, my mom and her zillion pics (thanks mom that shot of the crown molding was awesome ;)) but more than anything I felt like God was saying "trust Me." So our offer went in peacefully and prayerfully. I knew this was it so I wasn't worried.

That was until Friday morning when we learned two additional offers had gone in ALSO after ours for MORE. So they came back to us to see if we'd like to up our offer. Oh super! We saw this coming - not. So while we're taking Jack and Lydie around the Moody Gardens aquarium we are wrestling with an increase in price. "Trust me," so we went up, by a margin and said best and final - enough with the bidding war. So we waited. And at 5 o'clock we hear that they want to sleep on it! What?! Ok fine. At this point I'm like this is not the house, God'll just find us another one so whatever happens I'm ok. 

Saturday morning still no word. We've played on the beach, swam in the pool, put baby girl down for a nap. At 12:30 I'm covered in sand making a sand castle with Jack while Patrick was in the condo with Lydie and the phone rings. Gulp. I answer and tell Katie "I'm prepared, just tell me" and YAHOO! We got it!!! They took our offer, want to close in 30 days instead of 45 and lease back to us until Julg 31! All sounds good! 

So today we drove back through town so we could actually SEE the house God chose for us! It's great! Needs a little TLC in the paint department and kitchen but totally aesthetic nothing major! The yard is awesome, the house is cute and we are four houses down from the neighborhood park! Yay! Now we paid royally for taking the long way home and L screamed bloody murder on the way home to Dallas but it was worth it! 

Such a burden lifted. And so thankful we can say we trusted God without seeing the house. It felt right that He would ask this of us, our whole faith is built around the blessing of believing without seeing (although the Bible says all creation tells of His glory). God took such good care of us, I continually am in awe of his great care and loyal love that drives out fear. 

Thankful.

Expectations and Hope

I'm the type of person who likes to read the last page of a good book first. I know, it spoils the ending, but it helps me get through the "middle," the angst of conflict, the unknown. I keep on reading knowing the great ending is near!

At this point in our journey we are in "the middle." No conflicts per say but lots of unknowns. We don't know where we will live, if our house will sell and in how many days or weeks, we don't know what it will be like owning a business, the new MDO program for J&L, or what my work will be. This weekend was our first time to really go look at houses in a town we lived in for 26 straight years. You'd think we would already know right where we want to be, nope. And after about seven houses I remembered that this part of the home buying process, I do NOT like. The hunt - yuck.

In fact, in my head I had two favorites, in one neighborhood, in our price range (mostly) and all we'd need to do was go look and we'd be set! Well, wouldn't you know we walk in to meet our realtor and the first thing she says is "your top two are under contract as of yesterday." WHAT?! I did not expect that. God never does what I expect. I've come to expect that but come ON Lord, these houses had been on the market for weeks and right when we get there they're gone?! As much as it hurt that my expectations were way off, I also was reminded that God cares as much about where we live in B/CS as he did five years ago here in Dallas. Back then we saw him move and give and take away and present and follow through and we've loved it here. But closed doors, while they sometimes hurt, are much easier I've come to realize than fighting through cracked doors.

So we walked away empty handed, a little bummed, but still hopeful. It won't be long and we'll be back home and have another chance to look and maybe something cool will be in our path. God already knows where it is, we just have to trust him to present it at the right time. And that, I can wait for.

The First Box

Today I packed the first box. 

Apparently one of the first rules of selling your home is to declutter. And boy do we have clutter. Baby toys, big boy toys, bottles, books... it seems like there isn't a nook or cranny in this house that doesn't have something in it for a 3 year old or under. 

So I started in Lydie's room and decluttered the book shelves. It's really not a big deal. I like to declutter. I've done it several times since we've been in this house but it got me thinking about our future home. At the moment we don't know where we will be moving TO in B/CS. There's no one neighborhood that has our number, no perfect house on the market yet, no idea if the bank will even give us a loan since technically, at this point, neither of us will have a paycheck when we get down there. 

Last Friday we popped into a house in a nice area of Bryan and took a look around. *shrug* My dad and I took a long walk Sunday morning but nothing stood out. *sigh* Patrick and I even drove through a small neighborhood on the way out of town... *but...* So now we wait. We wait for the right house, we wait for the bank, but mostly we wait on the Lord. 

Just this morning I was reading to Jack and Lydie (early risers) from this little children's Bible my Mimi gave to Lydie. We just flipped it open. The story - Caleb and Joshua (from Numbers 13). Two soldiers who went to explore the land the Lord brought the Israelites to with the promise that it would be theirs. Canaan - the land flowing with milk and honey. The story said, (and yes I did just sneak into L's room to get the baby Bible so I got it just right) "Joshua and Caleb told the people that God had chosen a good place for them to live. God made sure you have a nice place to live too." 

I caught my breath. God did not forget about this part of the plan. He knows where we will live already and will help us move towards it in due time. So for now I pack. One box at a time. 

Full Circle

At this point, we have done our best to tell our family and friends the news. In a few shorts months we will be packing up our home for the last five years and moving three short hours south, back home, to Bryan/College Station. Are we excited? Yes! Are we sad? Yes. Do we trust that God is in control? YEAH!

About a year ago Patrick and I start praying that God would place us where he wanted us. We knew this darling house would quickly grow too small as our little ones grew up, and we had that feeling - you know the one - that feeling that change was coming. We didn't know what is was and we certainly didn't expect it to move us home when we felt Dallas was home. But little by little, through sleepless nights with a newborn, conversations with friends and family, prayer, lots of prayer, it became obvious that where God wanted to place us was right back where we started - home. 

Home wasn't what we prayed about - home became the answer to our true arms-wide-open prayer "Here we are, what would you have of us?"

Then one crisp January night we started putting the pieces together. Patrick felt a burden for his family's business. His dear uncle unsure of where to go with it, what to do next. I felt a longing for a support system, especially on those days when our daughter cried endlessly and our son needed direction but got Mickey Mouse instead. He had ideas, passion, hunger, drive in his voice. And I believed, I knew this was what God was asking of us,  "Pick up and leave the life I gave you and go home where you are needed."

Since that night we have continued our prayers for guidance and have slow and steadily gotten one green light after another. Our parents and family were ecstatic, Patrick's uncle and cousin open to his leadership with a mix of relief and excitement. Our co-workers and friends happy and supportive, affirming what God has asked of us and breathing into us words of encouragement.

A few weeks ago we determined our timeframe which had been foggy until that point. The question continued to be "when are you getting down here?" Again we pieced together the puzzle and fall became our picture. We hope to use this blog to keep everyone up to date on our journey.

We've laughed so many times about how when you ask God to use you, truly, honestly, deeply, sometimes he sends you to Africa, to Guatemala... and sometimes he spins you right around and sends you back home. He's funny like that. But good, all the time good.

Thanks for joining our journey! We'll keep the updates coming!

Andress & Patrick

And away we go! (again!)

Dear Friends and Family, July 6 – July 14, Patrick and I will join the 2012 Northwest Bible Church Mission Trip to Rio Hondo Guatemala. This year, the group has blossomed to 90 individuals - the largest group to date! We will be working alongside our church-sponsored missionaries, Julio and Lucki Garcia, who have lived and worked daily in the area for more than 13 years and have an AWANA program, church and a very unique mother-run food kitchen in the area. We also have 33 translators, all students at a seminary in Guatemala City. First, if you have time, we encourage you to watch this video about why we are going, and what we intend to accomplish. It also explains why we believe JESUS is the answer to overcoming poverty: http://vimeo.com/27096230. You can also read more about the trip I went on with the same group to the same area in 2010 here: http://businessbyfaith.blogspot.com/2010/08/its-time-to-talk-guatemala.hml1?m=l . The church’s blog for this trip is here: http://2012nbcguatemala.wordpress.com. While we are there, our group puts on a three-day camp for all age groups Monday-Wednesday. I am in charge of the toddler group, ages 0-4, and Patrick will be heading up the games station with some other guys in the morning and has a small group of teen guys by himself in the evenings. The children (ages 5-18) are broken into age groups and go to devotional stations, games and crafts throughout the morning. We break for lunch and come back in the late afternoon for a group worship time, dinner, and again the groups including moms and dads break into groups for crafts, devotional and fellowship. The theme for “campamento” is 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” This was chosen by Julio and Lucki because as with many impoverished areas, the people have broken relationships with God, others and creation, they do not care for their community or others. This verse will be used to focus on three “R’s” – Recycle – regeneration/salvation “in Christ he is a new creation”; Reduce – our sin is reduced “old has gone”; and Reuse – gifts/talents used for His glory and kingdom “new has come”. We are filled with joy to be a part of God’s work in this beautiful country and hope you will pray for us while we are away. Along with three days of camp, we will have a work day, visit schools in the area where they let us put on our skits, spend a day at Julio’s church (nothing is more beautiful than the passionate prayer of a missionary in Spanish) and finally, a day in Antigua, Guatemala, it just happens to be my 30th birthday! Please pray: 1) That Patrick and I will be open to God’s specific purpose for each of us while we are there. 2) That we will form special relationships with the children and parents. 3) Pray for an open heart and wisdom as Patrick works with the teen boys who are in such a pivotal time in their lives. Guate is between the US and Columbia and prime drug trafficking area. Many children become wrapped up in this dangerous lifestyle as a way to make money since they can’t afford post-6th grade education and many drop out. 4) That the time would go quickly as we will miss Jack. 5) That Jack would be a good boy for his grandparents as he will be traveling to and from Dallas to Bryan with each set. 6) Good health and NO sickness while we are there. 7) We do have full time security but pray for safe travels by plane, bus, truck and whatever else! ☺ Thank you for your support, we covet your prayers. Love, Andress and Patrick

Overwhelmed

One of my New Year's resolutions was to start reading my Jesus Calling devotional again. It's such a great, applicable, relevant and efficient way for me get into God's word. Apparently I'd had the same new year's resolution last year because my hand writing had scratched out a prayer for job security with the upcoming birth of Jack. It's fun to look back and see what God has done for me. Today I got to write my follow up to that request. God has allowed me to stay with Head Start part time contract! I was confident he would work it out and he did, I could feel him saying "I will handle this." I felt so overwhelmed by his kindness to me. Kindness that I could make some extra income doing something I enjoy with people I enjoy, and kindness that I can be with my son 95% of the time. This sparked me to pop over to tomorrow's devo and my chicken scratch over there, in which I had written the verse Isaiah 40:11 "He tends the flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." How KIND is our savior! I am so thankful I don't need all the answers to raising Jack, to finding balance, because he gently leads me. SO thankful.

Remembrance

Yesterday marked the tenth anniversary of the attacks of September 11, 2001. I seemed to have forgotten for a split second that not only were our World Trade Center towers attacked, but our Pentagon as well, and almost our nation's capitol. Seeing the footage again brought tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart. As I was holding Jack watching all this, I kissed him on the cheek and he burst into laughter, so I did it again and again a screech of laughter! I kept doing it and he kept laughing and I realized, that on a day like yesterday, when there really are no words to say, hearing my child's laughter gave me hope that one day there would be peace in the world and until then we are to pray, "Jesus, come quickly."

A new addition to my resume - MOM

Just a quick thought I had while driving Jack all over town the other day - Why can't women put MOTHER as part of their resume?!

Employers have been known to snub their noses at family references on a business document... but as a mom, now, if I had a business and needed an employee or two, I'd be searching for a family gal!

Just think, as a mom, you've been through:
* Baby boot camp - sleepless nights (long work day),
* Managing a crying baby (communication issues), and
* Balancing house work, work work, and the other folks in your life (like your poor neglected husband and puppy) all the while trying to solve the most frustrating problem of all - What the HECK are we having for dinner?! (multitasking to the max)

So, to all you moms out there who wonder if you can ever get back into the working world, if your skills of child-management are worth anything to anyone, please know that YES you can, and YES they are! You are more qualified than anyone I know to do any job you'd like!

With that being said, what great benefits our babies and children receive from having those skills put to work daily for their benefit. My mom used to make it look so easy - dinner ready, chocolate chip cookies when we came home from school, always milk in the fridge, clean house, cars gassed up and oil changed and laundry folded... how did she do that?! I'm not sure, but I know WHY she did it - so I could focus on other things, like being a kid, studying, making friends, practicing piano, and making small victories and big mistakes.

Managing your house is just as important, if not more so, than managing your boss! So put MOM on your "resume" with confidence and when people ask you what you do - make sure you say MOM first and then all the other things (like doctor, lawyer, PR pro, or money manager). After all, you earned it, even the Bible says so!

Proverbs 31:31 "Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Amen! ;)

Blessings in Disguise

In honor of Jack's 12 week birthday today and in acknowlegement of my horrible blogging, I decided that today is a good day to start fresh. First things first - Happy Birthday to my precious Jackary! I love you so much and am so happy that I get to spend so much time with you in these early months, what a treat to see you grow and learn and develop.

So just a quick recap - Jack came early - 4 weeks early! We had gifts strewn across the house, nothing put together like a pack n play or swing and no car seat in the car and WHAM my water broke. Turns out there is no turning back when your water breaks. Jack arrived March 21 at 4:32pm at 5 pounds 4 ounces and praise God healthy and strong. The Lord was so gracious to us during that time. His hands orchestrated everything from the doctor on call to the timing of Patrick being home from his fishing trip to our time in special care.

Blessing 1 of many: Jack was immediately put on a schedule, eating every three hours at first, then pretty much going right to sleep. He was too small to nurse and burned too many calories so we bottled fed what I pumped. I look back and see blessings in disguise. My son is now a very predictable baby for the most part and knows a routine.

Blessing 2 of many: He started nursing exclusively at 4 weeks and oh how I love that sweet time and realize what a privilege it is to care for him in this way.

Blessing 3: We got to see him grow and be in a baby stage for a long time. We wore out those newborn clothes most people never even get to see their babies in. We bought premie and celebrated when we outgrew those tiny outfits that would fit inside a salad plate. I nearly cry every time I see those tiny clothes at stores because they look SO small and he was SO small. I used to sing him "Jesus Loves Me". It took on a whole new meaning the verse "they are weak but he is strong". I held on to those words for dear life when he dropped to 4 pounds 13 ounces. But I also say GOD HEARD OUR PRAYERS and helped Jack grow. What a miracle to see.

There are so many more but these are my favorite. God is so good and even though we didn't know what to do or know why Jack came early and we were afraid, GOD knew the plans for us, the exact time Jack would get here and miracles he would allow us to see because of it. I saw this verse on another friend's blog and thought how perfect it fit, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9.

I wasn't sure where Jack and Patrick would fit in to this blog but Patrick reminded me that this blog really isn't about business or baby, it's about God and his work in my life. I hope that comes across. And speaking of business, Head Start is still working with me on projects and even allows me to work from home. I did my first project when Jack was just 4 weeks :). I felt the Lord saying "let me handle this" and he did. It was a working relationship I only hoped would still be there when I got back and God is good and it is still there.

So happy twelfth week my little love, your smile brightens my day and at this point night too ;) My prayer for you is Luke 2:52, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." I pray Jack grows in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. I hope the Lord doesn't mind. :)

Snow Day(s)

Today is day two of snow day lock down in Dallas. Ice, snow and frigid temperatures make me so grateful for my warm house, warm clothes and warm cup of (decaf) coffee. The last two days I have watched the Lord alter our schedules and change our plans to spend more time with Him and with each other.

At 29 weeks pregnant, the countdown is on to Baby Jack's arrival but also the countdown to life-altering schedules, sleeplessness, lack of quiet, and other things I hear babies bring with them! While we literally can't wait for his arrival, this last extended peaceful and quiet spell has been lovely. It's amazing how God reveals himself to us when we are quiet and listening. He moves our priorities around, loosens our grip on how we feel our life should be, refreshes our souls and gives us strength.

I often wonder... ok worry, about how my business walk by faith will change once baby is here. Perhaps this blog will be renamed "baby by faith" or "business and baby by faith" as I do hope my contracts will remain intact in some way once I come up for air post-baby. I've watched the Lord move Jack higher and higher on my priority list. So what does that mean for me as the reality of being "mother" is setting in? How does the lofty ideal woman/wife in Proverbs 31 fit in? I suppose I'm still figuring that out and will keep you posted. BUT, this I know. God has provided for my every step, surely he will provide for my steps ahead.

Psalm 105:4-5 "Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced,"