The Breakup

This weekend I broke up with someone... well some place actually. Dallas and I have had this thing for almost as long as I can remember. My parents would send me to the BigD for little weekends when I was about 10 and every summer or break after that I would spend with my aunt and uncle and very little, at the time, cousin.

Even at 10 we did Dallas up right. Shopping, symphonies, theater, restaurants. NorthPark declined my debit card several times in my high school years because I had no idea about money and no credit card (thank GOD) but man I knew good shopping. When we moved there 7 years ago I was so excited. I gained 5 pounds in about 3 weeks and almost went broke when we discovered Central Market. When we joined Northwest Bible and bought our house on Princess Lane the addition of friends and children and a community of incredible women was more than my heart could take, I was in heaven.

So when God called us home to B/CS I was confused. And this past year I've carried on a long distance love affair with Dallas. I didn't want to really be here, I wanted to be THERE. I didn't want to make friends, my friends were THERE. I don't want to get involved in my church, my church is THERE. And I don't want this to be home, DALLAS is home.

But, this weekend I couldn't deny that in the 10 short months since I've been gone I have changed. I couldn't keep up this long distance thing anymore. We've only visited twice and how can a love affair really work if you don't see each other? So... we broke up. I have untied the ties that bind and let that ship sail. It's not fair to my new home,  it's not fair to my husband and kids and it's not fair to God that I kept looking back, or north really.

I still love Dallas, and of course it goes without saying that many of my dearest friends are there and will always be a part of our life. But I was running with a weight on my back. I had to get the weight and ache of missing that old life off so I can really grow here. Who knows what will happen! I believe good and exciting things are around every corner, we just have to have the eyes to see them.

Joy Complete.

On New Year's Day I chose a word for the year... Apprehension. Leading up to the new year I just felt that way - worried, doubtful, unsure... apprehensive. 

In comparison, last year my word was a full and joyful "Abundance"! I felt at peace, strong in my faith, in relationships and even physically. And although at that time I didn't anticipate the enormous change our life would take this year I felt good about the year and whatever came I knew we'd be more than ok. Through our move and all the decisions leading up to it we saw an abundance of blessing that continued through the year. 

But this year on New Year's Day as the words came out of my mouth, "My word for the year is 'apprehension'," God did something special. He let me witness a miracle on the first day of the year. Although Annabelle was born December 29th to Tricia and Jonas, her fight for life continued for 6.5 more days - 150 hours. This was a miracle. The fact that she was carried to term was a miracle but outside the womb living, breathing, 2 chamber heart beating, noisemaking, milk tasting, being held by mother brother father family, preemie clothes wearing, knit hat sporting baby doll kept on going my apprehension turned to complete aw and my WORD for the year? Uh yeah - chunk that out the window, my WORD for the year is Annabelle.

Instead of wondering and worrying about what the Lord has in store for us this year, I trust in a God who makes the impossible possible. And whatever I was worried or unsure about I'm going to hand over to Him. And while I don't know what the year holds, no one does, I am trusting that God's will is good, pleasing and perfect and it's going to be ok. 

Annabelle means "joy" and she is in the fullness of joy now with our Lord and Savior, the giver of blessings and life and the Healer of broken hearts. Join our family in praying for Tricia, Jonas and Big Brother Cameron, that the Lord would carry them through this time. 

John 16:24 "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."